My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
