Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You've changed since you got that strap on
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
