walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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