i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
