Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
