if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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