why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
