the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
