With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
