Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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