I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
