did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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