During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I pour the whiskey from now on
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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