Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
