apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
