Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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