3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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