somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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