My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
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