So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
