chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
