Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
