so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
