I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
