I'm gonna have a badass scar
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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