I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
