I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
