Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
whose ass print is on the piano?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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