Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
