My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
