I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The beers last night were like the tears from god
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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