In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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