oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
