I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
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We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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