I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
