the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
