Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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