Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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