I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
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so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
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Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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