Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Can you bring me the toilet please
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He did a backflip because drugs
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