She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
