Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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