He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
