hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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