I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
