i don't like sucking hair
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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