every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
