a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
