Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
