there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
