Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
