I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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