i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
