Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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