Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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