literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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