Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
