my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
