I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
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He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
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3 2 1 whiskey
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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