he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I need to align my fucking chakras
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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