I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
