I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
