THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
